ROMANCING CHENNAI

OATH : I solemnly swear on chowk ke chhole bhature and golgappe that I am as “lakhnavi” as ever . Please do not freak out after reading this
Warning : if a few passages seem to have been taken from ‘2 states’ ..forgive me .I declare this is my original work and I have no intentions of copying .
APOLOGY : If any of my Chennaite friends get offended by any passage , I am extremely sorry . I am going to try to be nice and appreciation , but you know me ( *sigh* ) …I can never be totally successful at it ;-)

Yes , ladies and gentlemen ..it’s been almost one-n-a-half years since I first set foot here .Since I saw my first lungi ( just saw it ….I still have to wear it ) , got fleeced by auto-wallah and puked over my first curd-rice .
And I have come to the decision that Chennai isn’t that bad ( ok ! I confess I’ve started liking it …it’s so funny YAA). You just have to “get used” to certain things like …
You know the auto-wallah is going to fleece you ( which means AT LEAST Rs.50 extra no matter where you go ) . But since it is the fastest ride available ( dood …the way they drive , any one of them can take over as the stunt director in tamil cinemas ) you just hop in !
You know the buses will be cramped , smelly , will move at snail’s pace and you will have a lot of undesirable experiences ( I do not want to narrate here …I will have to change the status of my blog to ‘adult’ if I do) ..but you still go in it . The best solution is to sit on the window seat , put i-pod in your ears , stare outside and take deep breaths . And I give you my assurance , the green-buses do not fall apart ( although it took me 10-12 rides to confirm this )
You get used to hand-feeding ( when I went home , I stared for full 5 mins. at the spoon mom gave me ...then I remembered it’s use ! ) . You have to properly mash the rice against the palm and let the mixed juices flow through your fingers . Look at it this way , you do the carbohydrate digestion on the plate only , no need to chew and waste time in the mouth !

You get used to “tamil” ( and even if you don’t …the words ‘ama’,’aiyoo’ , ‘illae’ and ‘seri’ have a creepy habit of creeping into your vocabulary ! ) . You do not get freaked out when you see uncles on film posters . You start admiring “full figure” females . And the shiny-shirts-gold-chain-lungi combo dosent scare you any more . You finally choose your side…amma or karunanidhi / Ajith or vijay ( same thing….people are equally passionate when it comes to movies and politics )

You get used to gajras , rangolis and kanjeevarams . You learn a lot of pelvic dance moves ( forget the shoulder-bhangra ones macha !! ) . You become at expert at making coffee with two tumblers ( if you know how to manage it ….you can get proper froth , then it becomes ‘expresso’ coffee ! )
All in all …I love Chennai . It’s been like this for ages …and will hopefully remain so in the time to come . Cheers to my morning masala dosa ( Which I am addicted to now ) , mysore-pak ( mmmmmmmm ) and hosanna ( best song ever ! )

DIETING OR DIE-EATING ? :-D

Welcome to the world of anorexia , skinniness and flattened stomachs !
“no..no…I can’t eat chocolates/butter/pizza/potato ..It’s got CALORIES !”
“oh my God ! I swallowed too much air…What will happen to my dieting ?”
“Oh ! this thing ,huh ? Lemme see my diet plan and calculate how much will it add to my body . Got a calculator ?”
With a “wee bit” of exaggeration this is the scenario these days .For God’s sake people..get a life ! it’s O.K. to have a cute little paunch . And girls … guys don’t exactly mind a few curves here and there .
Salad … skimmed milk … low calorie food stuffs ! What happened to aloo paranthe , double cheese pizza and dal with ghee ( yuck ! There drops my saliva on the keyboard ! )
It’s eating people …not a war ..that you have to plan every step in advance . People eat like machines these days , Calculating , pondering , eyeing the food as if it hides something bacterial . What about LOVING food ? ( people who have seen me eating know what I am talking about )
The way ghee melts over dal forming a thin crust , the butter soaking the hot parantha , the long trial of cheese when you pick up a piece , a triple sundae ( wid molten chocolate ,whipped cream and crushed nuts and …oops ! the cherry ) , a steaming bhatura so soft it melts in your fingers , chocolate cake so soft you roll it in your mouth it kind of dissolves
And a lil bit of chocolate gets smeared on your nose tip . That red hot pav bhaaji rolling in butter …ready to be soaked and swallowed …
Sorry for deviating, I tend to loose control when talking about the first love of my life . So ,the next time you eat food …eat because you want to eat ..not b’coz you HAVE to eat it ! All you skinniness , zero figures might make you look good ( notice the word MIGHT ) ..but think of how much you torture your stomach and that foodie within you for the sake of vanity . And as far as health is concerned . Heard of exercising ? Stop hearing..do it ! you don’t want a bear belly ( remember there is a whole diameter of difference between paunch and belly ) . So eat healthy ( EAT …don’t starve healthy ) , exercise ( if you want to …trust me , that’s you choice ) and keep loving food !
PS : DIETING SUCKS !

HAPPY 'V' DAY PEOPLE !

The day is here ladies and gentlemen . Time to loosen your purse strings and sent a card ( the pinkest one with shiny shiny stuff over it ) , flowers ( red rose …my advice is to invest in plastic ones ..they’ll last loneg than your “relationships” ) , love letters ( search for ‘love shayari’ on google if you are out of ideas ) or gifts ( teddy bears ..bracelets ..parphume…blah blah ) …oh ! did I forget the main expenditure ? PHONE BILL !

And here am I …all alone ..sob sob ! No one to write to ....( ok ! I give it up …I cannot do my FULL NAUTANKI online …I need face-2-face interaction ) .
So , I’ll give a few calls …to my nani ( and I’ll have to explain what is valentine’s day first ! ) ..to mom ( no …thankfully , she is advance enough now ! ) and a few other creatures all over the world who make my life more weird and more strange ( and needless to say ..more fun ) .
Ok ..this gets serious from now on…
Maybe , love isn’t about that “someone special” ( yeah right ! that “special” changes more quickly than Sarvana bhavan’s “special” item ) . It’s about you know..loving people ..in general ( no ..that dosent mean you can flirt with your neighbour ) . It’s about knowing that there are so many people out there who’ll listen to you …comfort you ..bitch about you ( oops….bitch with you , I mean ! ) and give you loads of free advices .
It’s about people who know who you are and accept you that way . And it’s about loving God , loving food , loving novels , loving movies too . So this valentine’s day…just love LIFE ! muuuuuuuuuuuuuuah !

Poems that creep into my bored mind...

SILENCE SPEAKS...
That cool darkness of churches
Where you can perceive every breath of yours
The desperate hopeful stillness of hospitals
That humid calmness of river shores

A sleepy noon , the tick-tock of clock
The untamed winds on mountain peaks
Sit down peacefully and listen sometimes
A thousand words does silence speaks ..
A thousand words does silence speaks …


WINTERZZZZZZ.....
Cuddling , snuggling in blankets soft,
Devouring the carrot halwa steaming hot
The early morning fog blinding us
Teeth chattering against the icy draught .

Rubbing palms to "defreeze" them
Shivering at cold water's touch
Sitting aorund fires , glowing warm
Ah ! the winters i love so much ...
the winters I love so much .

EK MISSHED CALL...

Trring…trring….trring !
I got up …sleepy eyed , struggled with my tummy and sat up , thawped ( I know dats not a word..but that’s exactly the sound I get ) my hand everywhere and found the mobile .. but by that time , the mission had been accomplished …another MISSED CALL attack !
Now you must be wondering why I called it an attack ? Coz that’s what it …after Dr.Abdul kalam Azad I guess the next in line must be one of our Indian brothers ( or sister …No gender issues ) who invented this missile !
It will come any place ( class , theatre , bed and worst..LOO ! ) ..any time ( You are taking a bath, sleeping , buttering your girl-friend , getting scolded , digging your nose , plucking out head lice or performing an important biological activity ) …and in any manner !
Now the strategy of attack depends upon the character of the enemy . A miniature missed call indicates the hyper type ( mera phone kyon uthaya ??? aaa…aaaah…aa ) , the sadistic types give you LONG ones ( which end EXACTLY when your finger tip touches the keypad ! ) , there are also MUFTKHOR people ( arre yaar….tumhari CALLER TUNE sunne ke liye phone kiya tha ) , and the TIMEPASS people ( Aur yaar , what’s up ? Bas AISE HI call mari thi ! ) and the IRRITATING HYPER ones ( I saw your first missed call…no need to give 20 after that ! )
Some missed call carry messages :
Bhai , give me a missed if the teacher is absent
Give me a missed when food is ready
Gime a missed when you reach outside my place
Gimme a missed when your husband goes out of the house
Bhai , a missed if you see my other GF coming
Gimme a missed when you are about to suicide etc. etc.
All in all , missed call attacks have inadvertently become a part and parcel of our lives . mom’s missed call ( Oh no ! What did I do wrong now ? ) , girl friend’s MC ( Emotional attyachar begins.. ) friend’s MC ( time to get out of the house dood ) and the most dreaded ….the one which comes at the WORST moment ( dood…I was on the edge of sleep !; about to kiss her ; about to catch his attention ! ;about to catch the bus ; it was about to about to come out …grrrr ! )
So , here is my salute to the greatest invention yet … ! Enjoy it ,tolerate it , get tortured by it ..or use it as a weapon . After all , ek missed hi toh deni hai , right ?
P.S : My sleeping hours are 4 to 6 in the noon . Please avoid calling between those hours .
Love all my missed callers :-)

ZINDAGI KA FANDA ...

I dunno ..kab...kahan ...kaise ...i used to see thsi serial YEARS AGO . And the title song got stuck in my brain . And many many time I found myself humming it ...each word ..each line ...i can hear it over and over and over and over again !