DID YOU MISS ME ?

Namaste , adaab , welcome , vanakkam ….to the new blog !! Yep , I’ve been slumbering for some time . Blame it on exams ( second ) and the sweaty , hellish , lungi-folding summers of Chennai ( first ) .
Oh , but I haven’t been all down …The blog has undergone creative re-creation ( sorry , “renovation” is just too middle class ! ) . Would LOVE to hear your comments upon the new look ( good …or bad …or sarcastic ) . Oh , there have been a few changes …lemme inform you of them …
1. ummm….look towards your left …scroll down …yep ! now all you lazy weirdoes can check you horoscope right here . And it’s pretty accurate ( self-tested )
2. don’t look at the timing next to the blog heading …it’s screwed up .chamaar thing shows AM instead of PM and vice-versa . I know this is a pretty lame thing and a negative one ..but my OCD is making my fingers type it
3. oh ..and sadly the “cool..interesting..funny” waala bar disappeared ! Been working my ass off ..but apparently it dosen’t wana come back .
Ummm ….hee hee …I LOVED seeing you little clicks over there . it kind of boosts up my courage …not to mention bring a 10000$ smile on my face . so , what you can do is …click “like” on fb if you like the article …or just comment in one word as to what you thought of the article .
Remember , “those who are short on appreciation …become short on libido in old age “
- Akshay Baba !
And …finally …I AM ON ! get ready for more spice in your hot-sweaty-boring-roj roj ki life . PS :I missed you all too …. A lot :-D

HIBERNATION ...

bye bye my readers , for some time ( don't feel sad ...ok ! ) .Let me battle the Chennai summers and the exams together ....will get back as soon as both these monsters are dead . Chao !

CLUBBING...COLLEGE...MY IMAGE !

THE SCENE ( replayed umpteenth times ) :
Other person : “how many pubs have you been to” ?
Me : ummmmmmmmm…none
OP : What ? ok..clubs n all ?
Me : ummm…I don’t go clubbing or pubbing
OP: oh ! ok
I can see it …crashing , falling , zooming towards the ground . What ? my image people !

Welcome to the 21st century college crowd . most of us are totally into maintaining our “image” . It’s all about “I am so cool…aaaand…oh ! You are not”
Now you would wonder how can one calculate one’s “COOL QUOTIENT” ?

Simple ! look at these questions below …
1. Do you have a gf/bf/both ? Are you committed ? over-commited ?
2. do you go to clubs/pubs/dicoes ?
3. Do you bunk college to go to cool places ? (Eg: movies , beach , party ....blah blah )
4. Do you own “BRANDED” stuff ?
5. Do you come to college in vaddi-vaddi cars ?
6. Can you talk for half-n-hour on sex/drugs/cars/angerji songs ?
7. Are you a non-virgin ?
8. do you have dirty long hair and can play guitar ?
9. do you own tight mini skirts and can put on so much make-up that your skin starts reflecting ultra-violet rays ? ( only for girls … this one )
10. do you abuse after every 2 lines ?
11. do you hold a record when it comes to smoking/drinking/doping ?
12. have you ever been so talli that you puked over yourself ?
If the answer to any six of the above is yes ….congrats ! Thou art blessed my child . Welcome to the “COOL” category ….if not , don’t worry , am here to console you .

I don’t get it . it’s sooo OK with me if you wana splurge on beers and dance and cigarettes .Your …oops ! you dad’s money ..your wish !
But for God’s sake don’t boast about it …
“God …I wore a skirt …it nearly ended near my pelvis “ ( this is to avoid using dirty language …please get the meaning )
“I got so drunk …I went on the streets and danced with beer…blah blah “ ( oh ! is that why you smell like that ? )
“clubbing is so fun…I danced with so many strangers “ ( honey …if only you think a bit practically ….you can earn money out of it ! )

So to all of us “uncool” people …Look and learn you fools ! Practice the fake smiles ..and cool expressions ( the V sign , the smirk , the pout , the middle-finger , the “cheers” with glass in hand , the cigarette-smoke one ) for photos and pray that we get into the hi-fi society one day ….*sigh*
PS : till then....just keep looking at these baboons and have a good laugh ( EVIL SMILE ):-D

OF KIDS...DEVILS...AND DARWIN !

Yep…surrender…bow down…lower your weapons . There is no use fighting . They have done it !
While we were busy finding girl friends , chatting on our phones , fighting with our parents , learning new vocabulary , buying new games/bikes/cars/mobiles and coming to terms with our “teenage” …they were EVOLVING ..and how !
Yes , darwin’s concept of “survival of the kaminest” ( ummm…he used some angreji word …but this one is more apt here ) still stands true . B’coz our younger generation has certainly adapted themselves better for the upcoming years .
They are smart , they play ( not just one game…practically the entire Olympics list ! ) , they study ( and get marks … ) , they are confident ( may I use the word “OVER” for some special cases ? ) ,they go for debates ….plays…quizzes …( yeah , you know the list ) and still….( yep ! hold your breaths people ) ….DO NOT GET STRESSED …still manage to find time for sleeping , eating , cartoons , troubling mom( and us ! ) and doing mischief ( people with younger siblings …my deepest sympathies are with you )

Remember when we were kids
1. All we knew in English was , “ my name is …” ; “ I study in …” ; “my father’s name is … “ . If asked anything else we’d look blank and try to hide behind our mummy ..
2. The only game we played was gali-cricket , catch-um-catch , vish-amrit and house-house ( ah...See, I never forget you ladies ! )
3. Exams meant learning everything under mummy’s gaze ( and chappal in my case ) and then writing the same answer or essay no matter what came in the paper ( some of us still adhere to the policy ;-) )
4. who knew about debates and quizzes ….going on the stage ONCE ( n that too…in a group ) and saying a poem was such a feat …mummy bragged about if for YEARS !
5. phone ? phone ???? we got sooooooo happy if one of the calls were for us ! It made us feel so IMPORTANT ( see…mummy , mera call aaya )

But , these brats…errr…baba log do it all ! I still get red in the face when my brother finds something in my mobile menu …which I didn’t even knew existed . Only the other day …he fixed my computer ! ( I still suspect he kicked it to make it work ..but anyways , the credit goes to him gentlemen )
My sister already has an almirah full of certificates and guards her award money with her life ! me ? I am so thankful to mom for saving all the books I got as prizes ( including Goldilocks ) . Besides being the batch topper …she can write the character analysis of any character from “dil mil gaye” and “balika vadhu “ ( SIGH….girls !)

I dunno how , when and why did we escape this evolution phase ? Anyways …You rocks Mr.Darwin !
And don’t get upset….at least we still got opposable thumbs :-D

EMBARASSED kya ??????

God , my dear gave us 7 basic emotions…
Happiness , sadness , fear , jealousy , surprise , anger , disgust
READ it ? read it again please …there is no emotion beginning with “E”

But yet we have it ?
“hey bhagwaan….don’t talk so loudly …people are staring “( let them…we can’t do anything if they are so jobless ! )
“you are going to wear that … ok ! ummm..”( I am not going naked…I just wana try something funky … )
“don’t behave like that “ ( ok …mummy/daddy …I won’t suck my thumb now )
“for heaven’s sake..someone will see “ ( oops…remind me to get my invisibility cloak next time )

Oh yes…they’ll become red in the face…try to look towards the side …and walk a lil bit away from you . don’t feel offended buddy….they don’t DESERVE to walk with you !
I DON’T GET EMBARASSED ! period .
Why ? because the people you are going out with are your FRIENDS . No matter how weird they act …in the end they care for you . They took out their time to come and walk with you ..eat with you …talk with you .
How does it matter , I ask ? What if people are staring at you ? let them..what’s the maximum they’ll think …
“no manners “ ( the basic manners include respecting people’s privacy …you are soooo going and peeping at them .. mr.mannerisms ! )
“how uncivilized …how uncoooth…some blah blah “ ( seriously aunty …we aren’t camping in your house…relax ! )
“they are so weird !” ( oh ..that we are . Compliment accepted )

Those people are STRANGERS .They’ll never see you again..maybe after 5-10 minutes never think of you again too . But the mad , crappy , loud , obnoxious people with you are going to be there when you are TOO EMBARASSED to show your face to the world . So , next time , you feel embarrassed by staring strangers ….do what I do . STARE BACK AT THEM :-D

PS : to that category , who act loud to gain attention or prove how COOL they are ..ignore them … that’s the biggest embarrassment you can throw at them ( n they need it too…trust me )

PS : if you want anti-embarassment training , you can come and roam around with me for a month…trust me , you won’t get embarased by anything after that ( free of cost ) :-D

Who wana grow up ? NOT ME !

“Beta …grow up !”
“you are older now…you can’t do that”
“stop being kiddish”
“act your age mister”
The next time someone says any of this to you…look at them seriously…nod your head..put out your tongue …do “tttthhhhhhhbrrrrrrrrrp” …and RUN :-D

Yikes ! I am soooooooo tired of people lecturing me . What’s your problem Mr.i-grew-old-so-quickly ? Why don’t you get your teeth taken out and get a denture if you are so keen to act “your age” !

I don’t get it…maybe I am being childish ( wait a sec. ….isn’t that the moral of this article ? ) but I DETEST doing “grown up” things :

1. Act serious …wear big glasses ..nod when elders talk some serious politics stuff…and jump on your bum when they offer you a responsibility ! ( we can soooooooo be responsible AND HAVE FUN at the same time …)

2. Don’t crack silly jokes…try to UNDERSTAND how tough/sad/tragic/constipated life is ! ( yeah….we know it….hello ! we are just trying to make it a bit lighter )

3.No more DEMANDING stuff …leave good stuff for your juniors ( my foot ! those rascals are 100 times more smarter at getting stuff than we EVER were )

4.Set an example for your younger brothers/sisters/the entire “mohalla” / your extended family living in Pakistan ( as if …these kids only make fun of us these days…or use us as someone to put the blame on ! )

5.don’t act foolishly outside ( again …show the tongue …do “thbrrrrrrrrrp” …we are ENJOYING…duniya gayi tel lene ! )

So , my dear friends….let’s pledge that we won’t GROW UP .As it is …the world is short of laughter and craziness these days ( well..if you watch Ekta kapoor and Rakhi …that’s a different area altogether ) . let’s just stay this way…chuck seriousness and MATURE behaviour into the bin . let the younger brat…ummm…kids know that we are the SENIORS …they better respect us …we had already done all that while they were pissing in their huggies ki chaddies !

AHHh…..the sheer pleasure of sucking an orange bar LOUDLY …of singing songs on the roads …of eating golgappas while our mouths burn ( don’t forget the ‘hichki’ )..of watching tom-n-jerry …of joking on people behind their backs…of slapping friends on their backs ….
Let the snobs ( read pre-term grown-ups ) …wiggle their noses and make faces . Baby , we are toooooo kiddish to notice them :-D

EMPTY BOTTLES ....

PS : This is NOT my story plssss …it has been inspired by a lot of people around me .
Caution : this is a serious article ( no…matlab seriously serious ! )

A puff of smoke
I blew in the air
I knew I was standing
But I didn’t know where ?

Everything around was hazy
Lights shimmering , people grooving
I lay on the leather couch
Wondering what was I proving ?

There were empty glasses on the table
With bottles rolling around
I felt the music throbbing
And stared at the ground..

I could hear dad shrieking
As usual ; business was down
Some share prices had fallen
He had lost some properties in the town

I was sitting in the corner ..
And I wanted to say
“dad…my girl friend left me”
“dad …I bunked college today”

“dad , can you teach me how to ride ?”
“can we go and play basket ball ? “
“dad…I hate maths”
“Dad , I jumped over the campus wall “

So many word I had to say
But dad was upset again
I left the room quietly
And rode my bike in vain

Maybe I’ll get a car next
Or maybe a new PSP
Mom had said she’ll ask dad
Her own kitties were keeping her busy

I emptied another glass
Lights were shimmering…people grooving
Hugging the couch , I silently prayed…
Hope dad’s business was blooming
….hope dad’s business was blooming !