THE GREAT INDIAN CRITICS

Ah ! the commonwealth games ! they have finally arrived along with an air of enthusiasm , overcrowding , and dilli ‘sundari-fication’

Did I miss something ?

A HUGE highly talented ‘predominantly sleeping’  miniature journalists !

How many articles have we seen about the ‘corruption’ involved in the games . And in case you aren’t an avid paper reader …. How many dear little status updates ??

One little question ,”What are YOU , my dear lil delicate darling …sitting in your fat couch and typing with your sausage fingers …doing about the entire thing ? “

Nothing ? oooooooooooh…then y don’t u SHUT UP !

The problem is an old one …and like an opportunistic infection ( yaaaaaay …I study pathology ! ) comes up whenever given a chance .

“India mein traffic jam … I dunno when will the public improve “

Reflection : How many times do look for a free spot on the road so as to save the parking ticket cost ?

“India is so dirty man ! “

Reflection : How many times do u eat something in the car and throw it outside the window ?

“India is so corrupted “

Reflection : fine ! The next time you get caught …pay the actual fine rather than slipping the “sau ki patti” ( the hundred rupees note )

“India ka kuch ho nahi sakta . Nothing can happen to india “

Reflection : Thanks to you .

The point is …. Either get up and have the courage to change something . Or shut up and bear it . noone is asking for your ‘expert’ opinion .

We all know apna India is like this only . Love it the way it is … and start by changing things at your level …not “screaming” things at your level !

Jai hind people ! :-D

ANGEL ON MY TONGUE !

Next time you are in front of the mirror …. Practice saying this chant

“I do not like mr.so-n-so”

“Mr.so-n-so irritates me to the core !”

“Mr.so-n-so is a proper #$!$!@$!@$ ”

Yes , you might stumble ….( but you wings will be there to support you ) . Or you might say it properly . The point is the next time you try saying this In public you might ..MIGHT …say it openly .

Yes , welcome to the new age world of polite speaking …. No negative-talking …and thinking positively about everyone ( And you wonder why the sales of bird feathers and white garments has gone up ? )

It’s not that people have stopped disliking each other ( he he he …want further proof …put two girls together fro a few days and see )  . They suddenly become tight mouthed when it comes to accepting the fact … replacing it with “politically correct” phrases ..

“Yeah …he’s nice only…but he isn’t my type “

“no ..no… I like her …. I would love to get to know her better “

“He’s not that bad…. Who said I dislike him ?  “

“please ! there is nothing wrong between us . We just don’t gel very well together”

* false “lock jaw” smile with batting eyelashes *

So much for diplomacy !

So , this “holier-than-thou” crowd earns brownie points by keeping negative

Talks at bay . And what about the negative emotions darrrling ?

As much as I love back-stabbing and back-bitching …my advice is do

 blurt it out at times ! It’ll keep a little irritation out of your haemodynamic system . How difficult is it  to say ,

“I don’t like him…so I keep away from him/her “

One sentence …. A lifetime of peace . !

( and maybe a smaller time of enemies and ‘those’ stares . but then cumon ! We can always stare back )

PS – for the list of people I don’t like … contact me personally :-D

WOES OF BEING "SINGLE" !

( DON’T JUMP …it’s NOT about relationships )

q. “how many siblings do you have ? “

I – “ummm..none “

Mr.x - *smirk* *mysterious annoying smile* oh I see !

SEE WHAT ??????????????

There is this myth ( nah…it will pass for LEGEND ) about single kids .

1.They are quiet , unsociable .

   Really , I have seen quite the contrary ! all the kids I know are actually more interactive and socially adaptable ( oh cumon …. Look at MEEEE ;-) )

2.They can’t share .

   Yes , I can vouch for myself . But then again …it’s not some set rule ! anyone can be selfish . ( wana take the risk ??? try asking a girl to share her make-up kit )

3.They are spoilt .

   Gimme a second please ! *banging my head on the wall*

   Listen …If your parents are busy , lienent and you were born with a platinum spoon up  any body orifice of yours …you’ll be spoilt. If you were raised under semi-millitary rule and made to give reasons and pampered with a chappal/wooden stick/ear pull/good old ‘thappad’ you won’t be . clear enough ?

4.They are over-protected !

   Read the above paragraph again …it depends upon your parents jackass ! and your genetic make-up and your school …and a lot of other crappy psychological factorrrrs :-)

So , the next time you know someone is single … don’t jump to conclusions . Talk to him/her ….flirt … gossip a lil with them .. ask them about the things they love ( if it’s a HER ) …or u can discuss movies , games , politics , war aaaaaaaaand sex ( yeah …boys officially rock ! )

It’s so painful for us to get sidelined . And that too so soon ! At least give us a lil time to show all our single bratness ( is that a word ? ) to you ! We are not that bad …you know ? plus if we find you adjustable enough …you might get a little out of ALL the love and money that our parents throw on us ;-)

*sigh* The world and it’s prejudices !

"MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE..."

Yes , I confess guilty . ( as if you people didn’t know it )

But …. Here I am trying to justify this subtle , sophisticated and witty art  ( ok ! in case of some amateurs… loud and tacky and childish ) .

The first moral question : is it BAD ? evil ?

Hell no ! oh cumon … what’s more fun that giving you friend “that” eye movement or a sarcastic smile and the spicy words whispered behind hands..into ears .

I mean , you can’t help it ..some people literally carry boards on their foreheads ( though you’ll need that special “evil” vision to see it )

But then ..alas ! some don’t ! and that’s when you should draw a line .

For example ( ahhh …here I go again )

->making fun of a fake accent ( so cool ! )

making fun of someone’s English just coz they haven’t been to a “kaanvent” school ( lame ! )

->someone wearing crap and showing off ( rubbing my hands…”oh yeah ! “ )

    Someone wearing something decent just coz they are that way ( NO NO NO )

->someone boasting at breakneck speed ? ( they are asking for a speed breaker ..go ! )

   Someone actually trusting you and  telling you their problem..no matter how funny is sounds ( awww..cumon… who does that ? )

->doing it to people in public just coz you are jealous of them ?? ( yuck , ask you mirror …does it shout ‘looser’ ? )

So , the next time you indulge in this creative pastime . Keep something in mind …we make fun of people who ask for it .

Who need it …who are literally screaming ,”no ..no…Give it to me “

First advantage ..you might earn some browny points from my friend up there and second , you’ll prevent yourself from looking like a loser . There’s a very thin line of difference between making fun of people and ending up making fun of yourself !

Remember … “your chilli packets always taste better when you put them over extra cheese pizza…spray them on dry bread and eat.. they’ll only burn your mouth “

What a metaphor ! I love myself :-D