MASALA HOROSCOPE V : VIRGOS

Now , you dear dear virgos will be on either ends  :

1.Organised , clean lil’ goodie goodie guys n gals

2.A bit shabby , messy , lost .

Do NOT be deceived . No matter what they look from outside , these people carry a laptop within their brains .

You’ll never find them confused ( apart from the times when they screw up those eyes and look in the distance …Can someone explain to me why ? )

They’re polite , VERY well mannered and generally LOVE to mind their own business . Which they cannot do , coz’ they are always pulled into other people’s problems .

The best combo about these virgins is they are practical ( oh yess ..I can see them smiling right now ) and at the same time they CARE .

Although , sometimes they deliberately choose not to care ! They need their inner peace beta …enough of pulling their feet into gossips .

Another thing they are accused of is excessive fussing about hygiene and cleanliness and what not ! bakwaas …like , these people like organization !

Now , that means …THEY should know how things are working . Go into their room ..it might be the MESSIEST room in the world , but they’ll know EXACTLY where each thing has been kept .

It is also not uncommon to find a lot of SHOES in the clutter ( or in the spick-span room :P ) .These people ( yes ! guys too …) just can’t get over shoes . I still can’t decipher why!

They love movies …. Many of them may turn over the “intellectual” side . But the best thing is … you won’t hear about it until you probe a deep .

I love all these virgos coz’ they would never show off . They might be the geniuses of the class ( most of them *sigh* ) they’ll never shove it in your face !

The most common sentence you’ll hear is “Hey lemme know the details  in advance “

Imagine going somewhere and not knowing what to do there !

No no no …they love advance preparation , no matter even if it’s only in their minds !

And some of them might turn into hypochondriacs ! But dammit ….these virgins know some magic spells . I’ve seen them climb out of sickness in no time ( if they want to…that is )

LOVE MATTERS :

The guys – I am really really sorry . I am still trying to decipher you people .

"The ladies" - *drum roll* or rather *slow violin playing*

My FAVOURITE ladies of the zodiac . They are confident , so down-to-earth and appreciate humour ! What more can u ask for … fashion sense ?

Ha ! They got that too !

This is one girl you’ll never find misbehaving or embarrassing you anywhere .

And , the ambitious and career oriented streaks in them just make them more compelling.

So , how to woo them ? huh ? Don’t try to be too ishmart beta . These girls read u in and out . And make sure you have some real assets in your personality . I’ve seen some of them cutting off useless guys like scissors .

They can be super charming and help you and care for you and still keep their insides closed  shut ! That’s not inner coldness ..it’s a mechanism of protecting their laptops ( remember ..the ones inside them ) .

And oh dear lord , gossiping with them is PURE HEAVEN !

DUKHIYAARE PATI KI PEEDA ...

Pratah kaal bistar mein karvat li , aur

Takiya se lipat ke jo Murari muskuraya

Apni bhujaaye failayi ardhangni ki oar

Parantu unhe gayab dekh bechaara baukhlaya

Je furti se kooda bahar

“Kahan gayi le meri chitrakala ”

Andar se jhallayi awaz goonji

“aapan mahtari se pooch lo zara “

“haan haan ...hami saare dukh ki jad hain “

Amma muh mein supaari dal boli

“ee muh-jhaunsi toh seeta hai na ! “

muh se ek peek mara .. december mein holi

Murari khada beech mein

Soche jaaye kis oar

Idhar prem ki pukaar

Udhar ma ki mamta  ka zor

Bade gidgidate bola , “jaane do maai“

“nausikhiya , Abhi nayi naveli hai “

“tu na samjhe murari ! akad toh dekh

Jaisen ee  bikharin ki kauno haveli hai ”

Udhar joru ne belan utha liya .

“ab bas  ....aaj jo hona hai hoye !“

Haath mein lota lekar bhag liya  Murari

Aise dukyaare pati ki peeda hai jaane koye ...

                                        Peeda na jane koye !

MASALA HOROSCOPE IV : LEOS

Now , this is one sign which matches it’s zodiac animal to the hilt !

( every leo who just read this line would have patted his/her hair …smiled gorgeously and thought “obviously ! “ … isn’t it Prato ? ;-) )

So , there is no need for you to notice them …I mean , no need to make an effort to notice them . They’ll be there , can you sense the source of bursting energy…yeah ! exactly that :-D

Most of them look and act like they are SOMETHING ( and some of them really are something ) . A shabby leo ?? ..no no no no !

See , to their eyes …they are a gift to the world . some of them have this ego thingie ( actually …bigger than that)  . Mrs.Goodman insists on it .

I on the other hand , disagree  .they have it …true . But it’s manageable .

They will be your buddies . You wana have some adventure …go beat up some guy …or just create mischief n chaos . you can always find a lion paw to help you out .

They are GREGARIOUS by nature … like the “yaaron ka yaar” types . They can have many friends ..but you will find more followers than friends .

They are achievers …either in this profession or somewhere else . And that combined with their SUPER AWESOME SMOOTH charm usually makes them so ..wass the word “adorable” .

Yes , they have this irritating habit of advising you every now n then ( actually …make it ‘most of the times’ ) . But then come on … we all know they are usually correct . Don’t we ? ( shhhhhhhh ;-) )

And they are honest ! Actually , a lil’ too honest … and and and and never …my dear children , never poke a lion ( even more dangerous …a lioness ) In the wrong place .

They won’t be like your scorpion buddies …waiting to strike …blah blah .

The claws come out … the tail lashes ….fangs bared …you’ll be given a mauling you’d remember ! needless to say , they have enemies too . But ah ! our lions are smooth enough to slide them over to the other side .

LOVE MATTERS :

The lion -> He’ll walk n talk n win you over . He might be the smartest guy you’ve ever come across . Seeing him hovering around can comfort you and make you smile at the same time . How to seduce him , huh ?

Piece of cake ladies …flattery ! But no…don’t make it fake .Appreciate him at whatever he’s awesome at ( you’ll have plenty of topics don’t worry ) . And give him a few hard criticisms …he’ll sulk but he’ll love your honesty :-D

The lioness -> You can sense her . She’ll have that aura , which says “Yes , my subjects ..tell me “ .Don’t try to fool her . She’s smart …brainy ..and can make you whirl around if her wrath falls on you .

Don’t be cheap .That’s one thing they can’t tolerate . And give her a few chances to correct you and tell you what to do ( notice the word “FEW” ) . She’s a maiden to be revered and pampered , this one .

And cumon ….one look at her and you know she deserves it , doncha ? ;-)

Ps – Now , that I have buttered all you purring cats so much . Do me a favour and please Please do forward it to others ;-D

MASALA HOROSCOPE III : CANCER

( CAUTION : If you are a cancerian ..and about to red this …you might feel a shiver or two up your spine )

So , if you have a cancerian friend …he or she will be in two phases .

One , where they’ll jump around , hear you cry and give you advice and sympathy in dollops and make you smile through anything

Second , where they’ll become so weird that you feel like hitting them with a club !

Now …understand this . There are a few things , which drive these crabs . Love ( or romance ) , money and idealism …in that order .

Ah ….born hopeless romantics . From the moment the hormones began kicking in they have been on the search . For that perfect partner they’ve always dreamt off .

Some of them still think of the first love..and how cute and innocent it was . And if…if only they could find something like that again :-)

Dig into their cluttered cupboards …you might find operas , gazhals , sad poems ( some of them , In their own handwritings ) , old photos or at least Kishore Kumar’s sad songs !

Ah …”OLD” . When I read Linda Goodman I didn’t believe it .So I researched a bit . Yes ..old photos …toothbrushes… pens…books . Anything . They have an attachment towards it all .

And it dosen’t end there .They love everything old fashioned .You might find one or two of them reminiscing about the 60s or 70s times ( check out their pencil cases …you’ll  definitely find a fountain pen ! )

Oh …and the cancerian mood swings are famous ! blame it on the moon …or whatever . It isn’t rare for them to slide into one of it now and then . But kudos ! ladies n gentlemen …their camouflage is so perfect . Until you are very close to them ..you wouldn’t know there’s a storm brewing up !

Did I mention money ? Yes , I did . Don’t get me wrong …they respect it . I still haven’t been able to clearify this aspect ( pisces n money are hopeless ) .But they have their own theories about it and seem to think very PHILOSOPHICALLY regarding this . imagine the day time stock broker who writes poems at night . Yes , you got it ! :P

And it’s up to you …to find out what things do they ideallize . All of them have different topics . Millitary , their culture , their nation , their mom’s cooking , chick-flicks , their profession , a particular idol of theirs …. The list is endless !

But the one thing that is CERTAINLY there is their parents .Mom , dad or both . They strive to rise in their parents’ eyes . And many of them would go to any lengths to fulfill their parents’ dreams . For ..after all , noone but their moms knows how to touch and love them when they are sick !

And their dads are so awesome , they’d be happy if only they could be half of what their parents are .

LOVE MATTERS :

The guy crab ….oh ! if this one falls in love ( and he will ..mark my words ) . The chances are … not even his closest friends might know ( let alone the lass ) . The happy-go-lucky smiling creature you know of …turns around in bed and longs for someone at night . They won’t be the mighty lions or the persuading aries . But they’ll woo you . And trapping this one isn’t that difficult . They love that outgoing , confident , fiery girls who fall into their arms and look into their eyes at night .

Don’t you DARE hurt them . I’ll be after your life . They carry a heart of glass , these crabs .don’t crush it girls …he’s a very rare gentleman .

THE LADIES …*drum roll*  .You’ve seen her walking . As if she knows it all .Tall , confident , practical and yet comforting . But she’s been through a lot ( I don’t know what …but she’s been ) . And she carries it all inside . She’s a wee bit cautious ,this one . For all the crap she talks about , there is something else she wants to say .Listen to it …carefully . You just might be the lucky listener !

I love you people ! What would I do if all you crackpots crabs hadn’t been around ! :-D

MASALA HOROSCOPE II :TAURUS

Have u ever wondered why your guy friend always gives u the feeling of a teddy bear ( including the hulky appearance and the back slaps )

And ever time you see that Taurus girl you feel that she’s going to be a mom someday !

Haaa , Taureans …they are you know ummmm…down-to-earth . Not to mention , they won’t stuff intellectuality in your face !

Everyone has a best friend who’s a taurean ! They’ll be like you chaddhi-buddies … they’ll eat what everyone eats …know what the latest songs on the chart …go out to the latest masala movies with you …or you might find them LAZYING around with some dog-eared book in hand .

And is there is something they are never short of ..it’s sensibility and humour . Like , the kind of humour you can expect only out of them ! And the kind of practical advice you always need …(not the shitty philosophy )

There are a few taurean obsessions I haven’t deciphered yet …

1.roaming around naked/semi-naked at home .

2.taking up songs and making crappy lyrics out of it ( and that too , they never finish )

3.The obsession with their ghar-ka-khana .

4.The comfort which they find in the mess around them .

Oh ! did I forget something ??

If you want to have a pet bull ( tied up for life ) …you need to discuss one thing and one thing alone ….PARENTS !

Our back-slapping , baulking hunk turns into a koochi-koo when it comes to his mummy .All of them ( without an exception ) love their mum ….and particularly their mum’s food and her smell . So , do the girls ! their dads .. I mean

The first sentence they’ll tell you is ,”I am dad’s princess “.And trust me , they usually are …

Other topics to lure these bulls ….

1.how much you love your home

2.tell them how earnestly you are planning your future family/home/career

3.tell them you hate showing off

4.bring them home cooked food

5.cuddle them from time to time ( this one works like MAGIC ! )

6.Wana go on a date ?? go to a quiet beach or a mountain-side or an isolated place filled with trees ( nature seduced them like anything ! )

And don’t get scared is they start off by telling you their future plans … most of them start imagining ( and taking steps towards it ) where they have to go .

Don’t think they are not ambitious …they know where the power is …they never rush towards it , slow-steady-balanced !

Try not to push them too much ….trust me , when they dig their feet in the ground and smoke comes out of those nostrils …fold your lungi and RRRRRRRRRRUN !

Here’s to all my lazy , happy-go-lucky , sensible , crackes-up-humours-sexy tauren friends ! And if you liked this …I’d love it if you forward this to all you taurean friends too :-D

MASALA HOROSCOPE I : ARIES

Ok , imagine this …a kid screaming ..no , like bawling …banging fists and face red .

Got it ? that’s you aries friend :-D

The baby within ..and the screaming above ! Ah …I love these fascinating people . You can spot one far off . Even if they are quiet , they’ll radiate the message “talk to me …idiot ! fast “

And talking they’ll do ! Oh ,hell we know that ….

Mostly it’s about something which they have already accomplished or they are planning to do In the future ( I can see the raised eyebrows of Aries , “ What ! I never do that ! “ )

If it’s not that…then it can be anything in this whole wide world …a recent book they loved , a sexy new movie you HAVE to watch …or some passionate single focused advice on your private/personal/professional problems .

Most of them walk and talk as if they own the world ( and knowing their confidence and that 1000 watt positive bulb in their mind..they just might )

Convincing them is like telling your kiddo what to do …. You have to coax , smile , tell them how nice they are that they are doing it for you and they’ll be all yours truly .

And the anger ? oh my my my …it’s adorable !

They scream …go “blah blah” ...but then let them calm down . Tell them “oh …I didn’t mean that “ . Shed a lil’ tears and before you know they’ll be sharing coke with you ( no beer beta…we teach good things on the blog ! )

It’s FUN to see them trying to lie … they’ll try to keep it up for some tiem but then shake that head and give up . Being caught fair n square is a less embarrassing situation than trying to make up stories .

And if you are ever down n sad …just give ANY OF YOUR aries friend a call …pump up factor !

LOVE MATTERS :

-->! Our aries hunk …our ‘gabru jawan’ . Drenched in sports sweat or with x-box in one hand . If he falls in love … he’ll know it . But so will the entire world ;-)

They declare it ! “pyar kiya toh darna kya” style !

And then go after the girl full on …if not their sexiness ..the sheer zeal will get them through :-D

AAAAnd the ladies . Oh My gawd ! She’ll appear all boyish , like your best pally …but underneath all that is a girl who dreamt of being Cindrella and Goldilocks when she was a kiddo . Treat her with love guys , this one is a special girl .

Same rule applies …if she has a crush on you . Baby …make her wait , she’ll eventually come charming you all the way  :-D

PS – feel free to forward this to all your aries friends .And lemme know if I should keep the masala-horoscope series going :-D

Where is He ?

“Where is He ?” , my mind asked

Amidst aartis and conches blowing

In churches deep and silent

In mosques with people bowing

I looked in vain and sighed

Ah ! He was nowhere to be found

I had almost lost all hope

When something made me turn around

I looked more deeply and saw Him

In devotees , their eyes filled with glee

In prayers muttered earnestly under breath

In rosary beads bring clicked softly

He is the force that lives within

That calls them from miles apart  

To Mecca , Amarnath , Vatican

Ask them , he lives in their heart

He is exactly what you want him to be

Strong , wise , powerful , true

Call him by whatever name you want

He is just that faith within you …

                                                  Just that faith within you …