VANITY...NO MORE INSANITY ?

So , I was reading one of these self “help” books recently

*yes , I am that jobless *

And it suddenly struck me … There has been a total reversal .

Remember the good old days . When we were all taught to be ‘humble’ and ‘simple’ ( read …more like ‘drab’ ) …and don’t blow your trumpet .

Going to the beauty saloon was reserved only for marriages ( or when the ‘ladka’ family came to see you ) .Waxing and threading were UNHEARD of ( yes , I can hear the girls gasping ) and the best suit you had was a ‘chikan’ cloth bought from Aminabad and stitched by your neighbour hood tailor .

( “habib’s “ would probably make you think of a biryani or kebab shop )

The maximum ‘fasssion’ guys could do was a bell-bottoms pant and some ‘more than 300’ shirt . And you went to the barber at the corner of your street and sat their obediently while he chopped off you locks into same old ‘katora’ cut .

And beauty saloon for guy ??? ( dood …the effect that would have on the ‘mardangi’ ! )

Well , to make a long story short …this was the India in which out parents grew up in .

And look around yourself now …it’s a different WORLD out there .

People are flashy , they love maintaining themselves . We spend loads on looking good ,eating good , we have a definite PAGE3 in every paper ( even the Hindu … wo ! )

I-phones and blackberrys are as rampant as Mercedes and Gucci !

And I ask myself , is all this good ?

Now ,  I am noone to decide …but what I did read was that that it’s all about ‘feeling good’ these days . The more happier and comfortable you feel with yourself , the more HAPPY signals you send into the universe …and the more you get back .

So , all in all …if you go to a beauty saloon ..get all those thigns ( I would rather not go into the details ) done on you . come back ..look into the mirror and say “Wo ! I am sexy”

Then be it ….it’s good for you

If wearing branded clothes makes you feel ‘dhinchak’ ( no matter how it makes you bf feel , the one who’s paying the bill ) go ahead and buy it !

Grooming yourself and declaring yourself are no sins anymore .

We live in a flashy world ….TV channels and mobiles are changed faster than ever . You need to stand out and blow you orchestra before you get blown away .

So….the question is open ladies and gentlemen …is Vanity still considered insanity ?

the great indian idiot box...

So , it’s been 3 days since I placed my gluteus maximus deep into the bed , covered myself in a cocoon of rajai and grabbed my weapon in my hands … shaking it , jerking it till the …channels started moving on the tv .

( yes , you perverts .I meant the remote … be normal sometimes at least )

I thought I’ve had enough of Amrikkan TV shows in hostel …let’s tune in to our desi sexiness ;-)

I was a lil’ disappointed … it’s all not so happening right now .

For one , Rakhi is missing …damn ! it’s like going to a movie show without popcorns .

Trust me , once you’ve seen ms.Sawant at her best…the rest of the tv world seems like Asharam bapu’s pravachan  ( mind u…not baba ramdev’s pravachan though . That dood is like our very own MJ )

For another , all the soaps are so difficult to follow . The one or two which I did get hooked on to during the summers … well , they all got fitted with a time machine .

You know the same old deal …daughters , sons , grand-children have been born . Dead people have come back .  The two sisters who were cute lil’ kiddos when I left are now full blown bimbos fighting for the same guy .

The dad and the son are of the same age ….blah blah …thanks to Ekta Kapoor our sitcoms have taken the courage to defy ageing process and death ( not to mention the normal bitchiness levels) so vehemently  .. I bet they’ll be giving competition to Rajni In the near future :-D

Big Boss rules the roost man ! Thanks to Dolly Bindra … and is it just me or is Venna mallik actually hot ?

The news channels are still the same … The ‘sansani’ guy still displaying his charms .

But you gota watch this ‘shani baba’ …I think on star news ( I wonder if they should change the term news to ‘FANTASY’ ? ) .

Dressed in black and the huge beard …with those theretical mannerisms . He’s like our own slimmer Indian version of Hagrid .

Let’s not even get started on the ‘CARTOON’ channels … ting puny …balls popping ( eye balls I mean ) … chinkies running around everywhere . I swear this is Japan’s new method of taking over the world !

Aaaaaaaaaaaand …. ‘power rangers’ . Lord save us ! Where are good old Uncle Scrooge , Dexter , Balu , Flinstones and He-Man ! ?!

So , I was stuck with angerji channels all over again .. *sigh*

It’s the same thing actually …. From ‘dancing with the stars’ to ‘millionaire’ to ‘5th grader’ . You might as well watch the original guys …

( and SERIOSULY ! get some creativity of your own…TV people )

Oh , btw …anyone wana file in nomination for ‘rakhi ka swayamvar – part II ‘ ? ;-)

FACES ON FACEBOOK...

Faces on facebook I see

Shinning , glittering , smiling

All look a bit dazed , unreal

As if the smiles are unwilling

Such a fantasy land , this facebook

A projection …of what we desire

Of what we want others to see

Suddenly ..it’s sexy to be a liar

So many faces…long since forgotten

Pop up suddenly ..and I stare

Smile if I remember something silly

Smirk I don’t really care

Strange…a world of personal pages

All false ,made up…ah ! decorated

And yet we cling to it tightly

Loving what we have created …

You ask …why is it do “in” ?

B’coz it represents everything around

All around…dazzle , achievements , pride

Inside ,Our inner selves chained to the ground

Live , be false , project your ‘image’ around

For all you know..it’ll make you feel good

Our inner selves too delicate ,too fragile

To be taken out from under the hood !

the sheer genius of 'HARRY POTTER' !

From a potter maniac , “wooooooohooooooo” . Three cheers for Mrs.Rowling !

So , I gave my already paralyzed exam schedule a nice kick for an evening and went of for “deathly hallows-I” .Ah …the time of the year when a new movie comes out and all the old Potter fans revere up and you know …you can feel the potter mania in the air..on the fone..on fb…basically , everywhere in the nooks n corners of the muggle world

And trust me …the movie is TOTALLY worth it . Thanks to the genius decision of dividing it into two parts , they have gone into tiny little details this time . And the acting….marvellous . Everyone seems to have grown into their character .

From harry potter to Umbridge , Voldermort and Luna . They play their parts to the hilt !

It’s dark…funny …senti… and just keeps you on the edge of your seat ..clapping , whistling , hooting ( or like me….reciting the dialogues before they are said ;-) )

  So , once again …the major question ..what is there in HP that keeps people so hooked to it ???

First , they connect …it’s everyone’s dream fantasy to have a superpower . And on some basic level , you feel attached to harry … so “muggle” for 11 years and then suddenly thrown into this tumbledown world ….we grow up with him . He’s not like your SUPERHERO ( the deadly quiet all powerful romantic muscular vampire…gimme a break ! ) . He’s an average guy like us … not always confident …needs help …feels jealous…uses luck .. needs a lot of friends around … oh ! cumon …he is what 90% of us are in our lives , we just want him to overcome all that n emerge a winner !

Second , the GENIUS of mrs.Rowling . I wouldn’t be surprised if years later , they rate HP as a piece of literature . She weaves through ideals like friendship , love , trust , bravery …and takes us down the dark alleys of jealousy , loneliness , power  , betrayl .

And it’s all there ..blended so perfectly in the story . you identify with all that because you have gone through it all at some point or the other !

Third , the characters ! From the tiniest little character to the big heroes…she has put such effort into them ! you can see and relate to them … all of us have  friends like Neville , Hermione , Ron , Luna ..even Draco !

You have seen Snapes , umbridges , Dumbledores , mc’gonallas somewhere or the other . They are all everyday people ….their characters ( good n bad ) match with the people around us . they are not your regular fairytale weirdos . on some level , you know you have encountered them somewhere in your life ..

Ah ! and so goes the story ..I feel a little sad when I think it’s ended . But on the other end , who says it has ??

Picking up an old book and reading your favourite part again n again …..no pleasure like it :-)

 Ps – out of respect for mrs.rowling I’ve tried to refrain from tearing apart some other sagas going around these days ! we’ll come to that later …I promise . time to diapparate back into books ;-)

The black cape ....

A figure in black I see

Following me around

Creeping behind me stealthily

Silence , his only sound …

His black cape swirling as he walks

Eyes draped behind masks

Ever gracious , swift and courteous

Like the evil In which he basks

A flash of red as he’ll dance

Prancing gleefully , ever slick

As I scream , bellow , shout

He considers it his music

A stab of jealousy I feel

Over issues trivial and small

And the green glint appears

As he smiles standing tall

Lust , I feel , pulsating within

My fantasies covering my eyes with drape

He’ll be sitting staring silently

The purple passion colouring the cape

Greed , he’ll smell , sitting on guard

Silent , watchful , cunning

Me ego sometimes swells his chest

Hunger  sends his saliva dripping

I tried catching him for years

And one day , defeated and lost , sat still

Tired of probing ,blaming others ….

When I saw a cape bellowing behind my pupil

our hindi "picturein..."

The most difficult task in the world ?

Make a list of Indian movies WITHOUT a love story …

Cumon ! It’s been more than 60 years …we are the BIGGEST film churning industry in the WORLD …. But the masala *sigh* remains the same !

Ek ladka ….ek ladki …their love ..and the “zaalim duniya” ( cruel world )

A huge MANSION where the hero lives .

The heroine dresses in designer clothes no matter if her character lives in slums

Add dance..some social message …sex … comedy…in the end it’s all about “pyaar ki jeet “ ( the victory of love ! )

I never felt this fact until I became acquainted with Hollywood movies .

The very basic difference … they make SENSIBLE movies …they pick up ideas from INTELLIGENT books to make up something with a purpose ….or if not that …at least something in touch with reallity .

Look at our Bollywood .. Rajni sir … Aamir Khan …*sigh* even Shahrukh and Amitabh . Start acting your age !

Or at least start acting with people of your own age ..

Turn over to Hollywood …Anthony Hopkins … George Clooney … Robbin Williams …*aaaaaand yes * Meryl Streep .

All of them might have a few grey hair In the temple …but they just ooze sexiness . unlike the wig-clad , black-dyed heroes here … y ? coz they carry those white hair with grace …

It’s not like Bollywood is not up to the mark . Look at some of the ( ok..most of the ) old movies “umaro jaan “ , Guru dutt classics , mother India , Guide , Joker ,Mughale Azam … ah ! the list in endless ….

Even these days ….v r making some good stuff ….”taare zameen par “ , “peepli “ ,”swades “ , “black” …..are breaking the conventional mould .

But the change is slow ..and the ever present “masala” picturein aren’t helping the scene .

It’s so absurd … There is a good book . The Hollywood people read it . They make a movie on it . We see the movie …and COPY IT !

Why can’t we read the book and take the first step ??

Maybe … coz the book does not contain any “dared-disco” plot ? ;-)

"KEEP IN TOUCH" ?? oh yeah ...

“hey ..do stay In touch”

“I’ll call you “

“dood …. I am gona keep an eye on you “

Simple phrases … meant to be emotionally touchy …makes u go so “gooey gooey” from within  ! Ah , so many people …so many promises …. So many “pacts” made .

And the end result ? poof ! vanished In smoke …

( yes , I’ve been reading Danielle steel …you can see the aftermath on the writing )

So , there was a time when I wanted to KEEP IN TOUCH with people . Call them , find out what are they up to . Any new girlfriends ? boyfriends ? both ? What new obsessions did they acquire ? any new thing “try” ki ? Lost anything yet ? ;-)

After a while …the calls dwindled ( from my end obviously …. There weren’t any from that end in the first place anyways ) and thereafter the excitement dwindled too .

So , welcome to the new age world . People drift off …. Become mysteriously busy …keep a track on facebook  …and when they finally meet face-to-face ( or accidentally bump into each other…MORE LIKELY ! ) , utter the magic words …

“arre yaar ….tum toh gayab hi ho gaye “

“you just disappeared ! “

And I ( or most of us are like … ) “yeah right ….I did ! u finally noticed , huh ?“

So much for bitching … a startling fact that hit me a few days back was that that not everyone had followed the trend ! There are still people I am “in touch “ with , who are regularly updated …or vice versa about the evil deeds beign committed ;-)

So , should be just conclude that “the world is a bad bad place ? don’t get emotionally attached ? “

Or can we dig deeper ?

Nah ..the world isn’t that bad ( although I am fast at work ..i promise thee )

The people who do care always stick to you gluteus maximus …call u just like that and indeed keep up d pacts .

Cheers …to all those weirdos around me …. And probably around you all too !

Ooooooooh…the rest of the crowd . it was a pleasure vanishing from your sight …trust me :-D

( esp. dedicated to Wilhelmina ; sonu ; shivangi ‘mirchi’ ; Saumya ‘my babe’ ; “p” sanya , slutty sister ;  vancha ; jazz )