Monday, March 19, 2012

The Great Chennai Summers !

*camera shifts into focus*
You are walking in a haphazard fashion . Clothes sticking to you back ,you armpits ( and other pits in general ).
Tongue lolling out in distress , skin glittering with an unnatural sheen and your hair plastered flat over your eyes ( if you have coconut oil on . Oh well, That’s a bonus treat ) 
Infact  , you are so disoriented that hallucinations of Amma serving you ‘sambhar sadam’   float in front of your eyes .

Well , welcome to Chennai summers .
That lovely season of the year when roads glitter with heat , lungis get folded as high as possible ( sometimes even higher ) and the demand for ‘moar’ ( read buttermilk ) increases tenfold .

The sweat .
If you live in a hostel with no air-conditioner/cooler in your room ( Yes , my story ) …You would definitely know what am I talking about .
It just dosen’t come out , it flows . It seeps in , it soaks the very existence of your being .

 Infact , I would like to quote Tennyson’s ‘Brook’ here ,
“By thirty hills I hurry down, Or slip between the ridges;
By twenty thorps, a little town, And half a hundred bridges.
Till last by Philip's farm I flow, To join the brimming river;
For men may come and men may go, But I go on forever.”

Metaphorically speaking , replace the hills with with our nose , ear , eye lids , thighs , belly , bum ( or any other curves you might have ) .
Replace the ridges with your armpits , the little town with your belly button and the bridges with your fingers .
The Philips’ farm can very well be some areas down there ( shhhh … Idhu adult blog illae sir . Please understand ) 
And yes , you’ve got the general picture . 

Ps – Getting up in the middle of the night ,realizing there is a layer of sweat between you and the bed sheet .
 It makes you wonder why people waste money on saunas :D

The Power Cut .
Yes, thankfully we have it for just two hours in namma Chennai .It’s around 9-10 hours in dear old Coimbatore and elsewhere .
Have you seen ever seen exorcism ? no ?

Vaangu sir . come to our hostel during (4-6)pm  .People will be roaming with eyes dilated , hair all dishevelled and torn and I would rather not discuss the state of (un)dress ;-)

Some might be found shaking uncontrollably , staring vacantly into space or abusing/shouting/banging walls without any apparent reason . 

Ah ! the simple joys of standing fully clothed under shower and (literally) soaking the marvel of nature , water :D

The solution .
Enna sir ? Namma Chennai la … In our Chennai you will be finding all solutions sir .

Lungi rocks – I am sorely tempted to try my first one this summer . The sheer bliss of feeling air circulating around Philip’s farm !
And automatic air control included .Just shorten it as the temperature keeps soaring ;-)

Coconut – God bless it ! Rs.10 worth of Heaven’s manna .

The talcum powder – Do it macha style da ! Spray it , pour it , bathe in the ecstasy and frangrance of this gift of cosmetics .
Make sure it reaches all the crevices ( It might take some practice before you cover all crevices . But don’t give up hope ) :P

Marina Beach – Pack your lunch , put on your shiniest shirt ,some sexy goggles ( a gold chain wouldn’t go amiss either ) and just hop on .
Just mind you step . Considering the amount of ‘chinna papas’ ( read, nasty brats ) that roam around , you might stumble over and fall face down in someone’s ‘bhajji’ plate leftover :D

General caution : Please avoid buses between (6-8) pm . Trust me ,Hitler could’ve learnt a few tricks for his gas chambers from them !!


  1. wow,,,man ,,,this is cool n refreshing article ,,considering amt of heat in chennai,,seriously!! u hav covered every aspect..tht pppl dont,,,,really likd it,,,,!!

    anticipating som more awesomness in d comin articles,,,!! good job,,,,once again,,!!

  2. haha . Thank you Mishra . You just make Cehnnai much more awesome for me D:

  3. Akshayyyyy....!!!! I couldnot stop controlling my laughter, and again my team mates wonder WTH is wrong with me! What a post man! Definetly the bestest post I have read in days!!!!! Chennai heat hahaha. have to share this with my friends macha ;-)

    1. You just used 'bestest' !! That's my trademark word ;-)

      And thank you for the appreciation :D

  4. You pulled off the Tennyson in style, you genius!!!

    - R.R

    1. I am not a genius . Just glad it made you laugh :)