Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Yeah right ? Wow …so what are you doing about it ?
Yes people…welcome to the “new generation” Indians …They are so smart , educated , ( what’s the word ? cooooool ) and the poor guys are trapped in India !

They have a problem …sorry did I use the singular ? They have problemS …India ki poverty ( “r” with an accent ) ..Indians ka attitude…India is so slow man …India is so dirty man !...In India , you know ? Nobody gets it !

Now poor people want “angerji” mujic ( rock..metal…pop…jazz …blah …blah ) , angerji comics to read , angreji brands to wear , angreji parents ( God ! my mom just dosent get it dood ) , angreji food ( Mom…daal chawal AGAIN ? ) , they wana get piercings ( arre beta….cartoon lagoge ! MOM !! ) , wana go out on stag parties ( raat bhar bahar rahoge ? kahan …kiske saath…kyon ? MOM !! ) .

They speak angerji with an accent…n hindi with ( they speak hindi..just be thankful for that ) phones …angreji cigarettes..angerji toilet-papers….i-pods…angreji movies…guitar..mineral water…bikes…chains ( ye sab toh mechanics lagaate hai beta ! MOM !! ) . You know …India just doesn’t go with the “IMAGE” dood !

So a small suggestion from my side…pack your bags and LEAVE . Trust me , India won’t mind …coz it’s sooooo sooooo frustating seeing people complaining about India day and night…and day and night !

You think India’s got a problem ? Why don’t you get up and FIX it ? It’s very easy to take your salary cheque and fly away somewhere and then moan from there ( or even worse …put your gluteus maximus in the sofa and moan ! ) . We don’t need moaners …we need Indians who can get up and work for their nation . And if you don’t belong to that category …the least you can do is not moan honey . We aren’t the best but hopefully we’ll be one day…amen !

Friday, January 22, 2010

“be nice to everyone “
“don’t hurt others “
“don’t be selfish”
“always think of others before you act “
Blah…blah…blah …geeta-updesh keep going on and on and on , and we sit nodding our heads as if we sooooooo get it !
Give me a break please , I am so tired of all this “bak-bak” . I can’t keep everyone happy an smiling and that’s it !
if you like me…I love you . If you don’t …HELLO! do you even exist ? I don’t think so !
I mean to say…it’s sheer STUPIDITY the way some people die for approval . They’ll apply butter ( no….not that way ! perverts ! ) …do your work…show FAALTU concerns …pay DUMB compliments ( I mean D.U.M.B) bring gifts …to just make you say ,”good boy/girl” and then throw a biscuit at them ( woof…woof )
“Oh my God…why are you coughing ?” ( TB ? AIDS ? LUNG CANCER ? )
“Can I carry your books ? bring you anything ? lick you shoes clean ? wipe your …umm..face ?
“oh ! you giving me a lift ? thanks!thanks!thanks!thanks” ( DRIVER ! START D CAR…)
“you are being so rude to me” ( SAALE ! DIMAAG MAT KHA ! )
“your dress/shoes/writing/style sense/smile is sooo nice” ( ummm…you got bad breath )
“oh he’s sick . I am so sorry for him “ ( abe..tune virus diya tha kya ? You don’t even know the guy properly )
I think it’s high time we flush our “SOCIAL IMAGE” down the pot and start behaving like what we are . Maybe you won’t get that many approvals ( or biscuits ….if you prefer them ) but at least you won’t be on your guard all the time with that fake smile plastered on your pretty face ( I call it the “toothache” smile ) . oh ! did I forget the round circle above your head ….sorry darling ..muuuuuah !
Come on ! The whole world CAN’T like you…ACCPET it and start living peacefully rather than trying to be an angel ( oh please…I know you got plastic wings which you put on and pose in front of mirrors at night ) . There are thousands of selfish , mean , sarcastic , ugly , cunning , shrewd people out there . You are just one of them ( yep ! touch your scalp …you know what those 2 bumps are …doncha ? ) . just enjoy it baby , soemtiems it’s fun poking people with your horns . Trust me , being evil is 1000 times better than being “F.A.K.E” ….happy horn-polishing !!
P.S : for all of you in my friends’ circle …this article is uselss for you . I checked your horns loooooooong ago …cheerio !

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Committed...break-up...committed..break-up !

Confession : Ok ! I am writing this out of SHEER FRUSTATION .
It’s like an everyday story …
“I GOT COMMITTED ! yahoooooooo “
“Sorry yaar…I have a gf/bf now “
“yaar …ab toh hum committed ho gaye hai “
Add to that the smug smile , those serious expressions , the shaking of head and an occasional smirk ( in case of guys ) ..and the shy smile ( 1..2..3..PUKE ) , the flattering eyelashes and a little bit of blushing ( yep…the venus residents ) and you can get the entire picture .
Haan….then the train starts …both get “committed” …talk on the phone for ages ..
“what did you eat ?”
“how did you eat ? ( you used hands or stuffed in down your nostrils ) ”
“where are you now ….sitting / standing / lying down / on the toilet ? “
“What are you wearing ? ( for once ! say you are naked ! )”
“how was the day ? who troubled you ? did you masturbate ? how were your periods ? “
Blah…blah..blah …I would have gone on but I have this sudden urge to puke over the keyboard !
Ahh …those last night messaging …the roaming around holding hand-in-hand …the envious stares of people around you …so romantic !
Then the potty-training begins …ladki shows ‘nakhra’…ladka becomes upset .
“You don’t do this…you don’t do that…don’t talk to me ….i am upset “
The guy sulks…then tries to butter her up …then tries pleading…then gets frustrated and confused . The friends join in at times …trying to console/ counsel ( Yeah…As if …that’s the fun part …seeing Mr.Committed squirming !)
Finally the two can’t take it anymore ( although they try to drag it on AS LONG AS POSSIBLE ) …and then comes the show-down ….BREAK-UP ! ( applause please )
Ladki tears up the letters..ladka deleted the photos …Both bitch …both cry …both call each other pretty pretty names ( saala/saali , kutta , kamini ….you get the idea , right ? I don’t wana go into the “real” vocabulary )
And finally they recover ….and go on a new quest for a new gf/bf …
Note : the time taken to recover is directly propotional to your shamelessness and level of obsession :-)
And the net result is a long telephone bill ; scolding at home ; a few envious glances from friends ; maybe …maybe a few kisses ; and endless hours and money wasted over someone whom you never wana see again .
But that my friend ….is the magic of it all ? or is it the tragedy ? to each his own …cheerio !

Monday, January 4, 2010

Only 3 ? we got so many idiots here..

So , yesterday I went to see this movie …3 idiots . Good movie … sexy comedy and great acting ( not to mention … the story , direction …blah blah blah ) . But the point that hit me the hardest was the message . Sorry , to act the devil’s advocate here ( as if …I love playing DA ! ) …how many people can actually follow the message ?
Hmm , let’s see …live your dreams , do what you love , enjoy your work . Wow ! sounds like a dream life …isn’t it ? Try telling your parents that ! All around me , all I hear is ,
“bhai , I need placements …microsoft , wipro …”
“yaar …salary package achcha hona chahiye ….bas !”
“Dood ….just let me get my hospital …tab dekhna “
Money , moolah , damdi , currency ….call it what you will …. We are all slaves to it . the size of your house , your wife’s jewellery , your bank balance , the school your kids go to , your car model . Put them on a weighing scale next to “happiness” and see what side tips down .
It’s a bad , bad world …tell me frankly , how many of you can actually go upto your parents and say , “Dad/mom , I don’t wana be a dcotor/engineer/lawyer ….can I go and join a NGO ?”
No …I am not telling you to do this …just imagine it ! You’ll die laughing imagining the expressions on your parents’ face !
Again…I don’t say all our parents fall int o this category ( but more than enough of them do )
“if you’d become a doctor/engineer …you know that would have been better “
“these are secure branches …you need money and STABILLITY also . Life cannot go on with dreams”
“these are your hobbies .. you can do them anytime you want . “
And the good lil sunny boy/girl nods his/her head and then buries the nose inside books ! Cheerio , so much for happiness .
And this does pay off in the end , you see so many people over-aged/ depressed/ stressed/ diabetic /obese/hyper-tension ( sorry if I become too “medico” here ) . They put the blame on office timings/load/house problems . When the real problem is ….YOU ARE CAUGHT IN THE WRONG JOB ! (time to call ? )
On the other hand … I’ve seen people who love their jobs …God ! Aren’t I jelaous ? They are the happiest creatures walking the earth …believe me ! You can judge it by the GLOW on their faces .
So , the decision is yours …and trust me ! it’s a DIFFICULT one . Try fighting the “SYSTEM” or bow to it ! My best wishes are with you ( and your parents…they need it more ! ) .
P.S. : Loved Silencer’s speech ! :-D