Thursday, March 11, 2010
it's a phone...not a recording machine !
“Hiii…wassup? pata what happened ? I was …blah blah…blah …blah “
I would love to give you the entire “spicy” conversation ( at least my friend INSISTED that it was spicy … )I plead ignorance , I fell asleep after the initial 2 hours .
Yes ..ladies and gentlemen , we are talking about the PHONAHOLICS..they treat the phone as if there is no one on the other end … pick up the phone and you are DEAD .
They will start off with their morning schedule …carefully detailing the directions in which their tooth-brush went …the way they fit their gluteus maximus into the toilet seat …moving gracefully on to what they wore and how their buttons got stuck ( and the complex way in which they faced the challenge )….and that my dear is just the starting …
By the time they come into their full form you’ll feel like cracking up Graham Bell’s grave and putting the phone inside his skull ….or a more practical solution , shove the phone up the person’s …ummmm….throat !
I have a feeling if you actually listen to the 4-5 hours long opera and take down notes you can easily trace their family history back to the Devonian period . The worst ones are ….
1.The ones who’ll call you in the bathroom ( I have soap in my hands , the phone might slip and hit my ….ummm…feet n you are still TALKING ! )
2.The ones who’ll call you when you are on the verge of sleeping ( I was feeling so warm n cuddly before you started complaining about your friend/girl firend/ pet/bhaaji waala )
3.The ones who’ll lose track of what they were saying but still won’t keep the phone ( dood …it’s been 15 mins. And all you’ve said is ummmmmmmm )
4.The ones who’ll be on the VERGE of saying BYE …and then start off again in full force ( ok…yeah…bye…wait wait , u know what ? …..)
5.the ones who’ll want your advice …and then spend 20 mins. Telling you why are you wrong ! ( Please please …leave me…I promise I’ll never give anyone any advice again !)
6.The ones who’ll keep on talking even AFTER you’ve told them that you are BUSY ( arre..ek min. …just listen to this last one )
NOT TO WORRY ….here are some cunning , clever and self invited ways to save your tympanic membrane …
1.If you know that the guy is a phonaholic…DON’T PICK UP THE CALL ..simple !
2.Put the phone on “mute” and keep saying “hmmmm…hmmm” after every 5 mins.
3.Put the phone away and respond only when he/she stops talking …say something like “really ? “ “achcha …tell me more “ “ok…I didn’t get the last bit”
4.take ruffles’ lays’ packet ….crush it near the mouth piece and shout “bad connection…bad connection “
5.My battery is going …going…gone !
6. be shameless and cut the phone ! tell them your connection/network/set sucks .
7.shout “aaaah…aaaaah….aaaaaa” , tell them you are having a heart attack and you gotta call your doctor ( make sure you moan correctly …some of those perverts mistake the moaning for something else ! )
May the Lord keep your tympanum healthy and functioning . Amen !