Thursday, March 11, 2010

it's a phone...not a recording machine !

“Hiii…wassup? pata what happened ? I was …blah blah…blah …blah “
I would love to give you the entire “spicy” conversation ( at least my friend INSISTED that it was spicy … )I plead ignorance , I fell asleep after the initial 2 hours .
Yes ..ladies and gentlemen , we are talking about the PHONAHOLICS..they treat the phone as if there is no one on the other end … pick up the phone and you are DEAD .
They will start off with their morning schedule …carefully detailing the directions in which their tooth-brush went …the way they fit their gluteus maximus into the toilet seat …moving gracefully on to what they wore and how their buttons got stuck ( and the complex way in which they faced the challenge )….and that my dear is just the starting …
By the time they come into their full form you’ll feel like cracking up Graham Bell’s grave and putting the phone inside his skull ….or a more practical solution , shove the phone up the person’s …ummmm….throat !
I have a feeling if you actually listen to the 4-5 hours long opera and take down notes you can easily trace their family history back to the Devonian period . The worst ones are ….
1.The ones who’ll call you in the bathroom ( I have soap in my hands , the phone might slip and hit my ….ummm…feet n you are still TALKING ! )
2.The ones who’ll call you when you are on the verge of sleeping ( I was feeling so warm n cuddly before you started complaining about your friend/girl firend/ pet/bhaaji waala )
3.The ones who’ll lose track of what they were saying but still won’t keep the phone ( dood …it’s been 15 mins. And all you’ve said is ummmmmmmm )
4.The ones who’ll be on the VERGE of saying BYE …and then start off again in full force ( ok…yeah…bye…wait wait , u know what ? …..)
5.the ones who’ll want your advice …and then spend 20 mins. Telling you why are you wrong ! ( Please please …leave me…I promise I’ll never give anyone any advice again !)
6.The ones who’ll keep on talking even AFTER you’ve told them that you are BUSY ( arre..ek min. …just listen to this last one )
NOT TO WORRY ….here are some cunning , clever and self invited ways to save your tympanic membrane …
1.If you know that the guy is a phonaholic…DON’T PICK UP THE CALL ..simple !
2.Put the phone on “mute” and keep saying “hmmmm…hmmm” after every 5 mins.
3.Put the phone away and respond only when he/she stops talking …say something like “really ? “ “achcha …tell me more “ “ok…I didn’t get the last bit”
4.take ruffles’ lays’ packet ….crush it near the mouth piece and shout “bad connection…bad connection “
5.My battery is going …going…gone !
6. be shameless and cut the phone ! tell them your connection/network/set sucks .
7.shout “aaaah…aaaaah….aaaaaa” , tell them you are having a heart attack and you gotta call your doctor ( make sure you moan correctly …some of those perverts mistake the moaning for something else ! )

May the Lord keep your tympanum healthy and functioning . Amen !


  1. @jiz - lolzzz.....thanx ;-)
    @mmp - v gossip baby . V don't just blabber :-)

  2. lol akshay machan, you forgot to mention how sumtimes we should put it on mute n laugh hilariously as Spicy Noodlz continues on a rampage about the days gossip for hours on end! ;)

  3. ohh, now that i read it again with that interpretation in mind, i see that you have implied it deep within the msg, as i had faild to see. ;)
    sumtimes i wonder why ppl have nothing better to do, then to just flutter all the gossip around.
    The only difference is, the 3 hours we utilize to study, "Noodlz" uses it with full advantage to just gossip. But at the end of the day, we both feel like we have accomplished something.
    and to us, that "something", is one small step for Noodlz, and one major step in prep. for the USMLE. :o)

  4. hmmm...c it dis way...d examiner will get so fed up...he'll give nooodlez the visa just to shut her upppp :-D