"no more friends , huh ? " ...PARRRRRTY !

Instant coffee …instant pizza ..instant popcorn …instant *** … and presenting before you …. “INSTANT BREAK-UP”

“you didn’t call me … bye . We aren’t friends anymore”

“You talked to her ( the word talked carries the viciousness of ‘smooched’ )…bye !”

“you called me a @#!@$!%!# …bye ! “

“you cancelled my plan / didn’t praise my dress / flirted with my dog … blah blah “

End result ? no more friends anymore !

My response “Screw you….muuuuuuuuuah”  !

Seriously ..if you depth of friendship is so shallow that stupid things like these give you facial puffiness …take an anti-inflamatory drug and go to hell !

The point is …not to get WORRIED !If you give in for the first time … they immediately assume you are vulnerable and then ( consciously or subconsciously ) start using that as a weapon . And then small small things give you radar signals

“she didn’t smile at me this morning “ ( toothache ? bad breath ? hangover ?)

“he didn’t leave a seat for me” ( maybe he wanted a change of view ?)

“I called 3 times he didn’t pick up ! “ ( potty ? sleeping ? umm..other boyish activities ? )

“She never talked to me …she was looking In the opposite direction !” ( maybe she didn’t put her make-up ? has a new pimple ? forgot her eye lens ? )

The point Is …don’t give them “bhaav” . Now you’ll argue … they are my good friends ..I’ll lose them …oh cumon ! how does it matter if I put my ego aside this time ? …you can do this much for friends ? “

Oh gimme a break … ! ( during which …you can settle the halo on your head )

If they are your “good” friends…why the hell are they giving you this behind-the-back-emotional shit . why not talk face to face and clear the air ??

And the “ego” ?? before putting yours aside … just remove your rose tinted glasses and see the big huge mammoth sized ones your friend is hiding behind :-)

Babagiri begins …the funda is “screw people who try to make you unhappy “ . People with so much of attitude problem need to get themselves checked . And they will …don’t worry ….there will be always others who’ll show them the right shoe….oops ! …light , I mean !

PS : . Although in some cases , I plead guilty too …though I promise I am  trying to curb my primal instincts ( did u imagine a jumping monkey ?? or is it only me who does that whenever this phrase comes up ! )

THE MASK I WEAR ....

I looked into the mirror and sighed

Raised my mask to my face

One last deep look at those eyes

And then the hideous mask went into it’s place

No , the mask wasn’t scary

Infact , it had a permanent brilliant smile

But it was rotten within , stinking

Suffocating me all the while

I walked along the corridor

People smiling , chattering all around

They shook my hand , hugged me

The sheer intensity made my heart pound

For , they were talking to the mask

And I waited for someone to pull it aside

But bad luck  , it looked so realistic

Besides , who wanted to see the face inside 

As I crawled onto the stage

Millions of lights , the audience all around

I performed , the mask in it’s full glory

I danced , till my feel reddened the ground

The applause that came

As the mask took the bows

The slow  death I felt

As my soul took the blows

The “I” in here can be you

Can be me , can be any poor soul

The masks we use on stage

To make our empty selves whole

         ….make our empty selves whole .

GOSSIP on the menu ...

Oh yeah ... sue me people

I love gossip and I can’t lie

The shivers it sends up your spine

The way it makes your heart beats fly

Whispered in ears , with cupped hands

Passed in class , as a tiny little note

The sheer fun of cuddling in bed

With a phone to make your ear roast

It’s hot and juicy at times

Some just brighten your days

Shocking the hell out of you

Or maybe“Oh yeah…I knew it always”

You should know how to serve it

Churn malice ,drama and facts into a paste

And if you still find it a bit bland

A few masalas of your own will add to the taste

Oh yeah ! some hypocrites say it’s wrong

And try to divert you from you goal

When the truth is .. they all love it

Honey ! it just cleanses you soul !

Who just broke up ?

Whose fling has gone how far ?

Whose double timing their partner ?

Who was seen in whose car ?

These tiny details…ahh so yummy

When time sort of  freezes

Those blissful hours of bitching

When you tear a person to pieces

Oh I love gossip and I can’t lie  ..

Call me whatever you wish

We are all the same … cumon !

We love the same spicy dish ..

      We love the same spicy dish :-)

KIDS on Idiot bow...but WHOZ the IDIOT ?

Half pants , full pants , shirtless , in chaddhis ….the uniform might differ ..but they have done it ! Conquered the idiot box …

Even since I have returned ….and placed me and my tummy in my favourite position ( where you can reach both the food and the remote ) I’ve been surfing the channels . Thanks to my absence , I can’t follow the saas-bahu sagas …the only choices left are news , reality shows and sports . Indian team crushed the last option … do not talk about the news channels please . A swift glance at the morning newspaper in the loo..errr…bed gives me more NEWS than the “hamne khabar pehle dikhayi” reporters !

And now my dear…the most dreaded option . Yep ! Indian idol …some stupid crappy dance shows and emotional attyachar rule the scene right now .

And guess whoz dancing ? The teeny weeny monsters …who will start crying their lil brains out if you shut them in a dark room . And that’s not it …add to it “encouraging” parents and teachers …and man ! You can ALMOST touch Rakhi’s  standards .

On a more serious note….it worries me ! Nah..the word is “scares” me . The other day there was this 9 year old dancing on some crappy remix . And that dance wasn’t meant for kids , trust me .

It’s evil…seeing them crying …and the cameras focused on their tearful faces . The whole nautanki that they do when they win , or to butter the judges . ( oh plsss…you can so see that it’s all scripted )

And I ask myself , do they really need it ? at such a young age ! Yeah yeah….I know the entire idea about bringing out the country’s talents but dude…. This isn’t “bringing” it out…it’s “selling” it and “making money” out of it .

And what happens if they don’t get the trophy ? Go check out Macauly Culkin…lindsay lohan …Micael Jackson . How many child artists live a happy life ahead ? The innocence is being replaced with “professionalism” . Maybe it’s time we sit and think where to draw the line when it comes to “entertainment” .

DELHI ...a city , an adventure :-D

Yep , as I leave Dilli darling this time …I fell in love with it all over again .This city’s got IT ..don’t ask me to explain what that “it” is ..coz I can’t ! You know despite the sweltering heat , the bheed-bhaad , the pot bellies and melting make-ups …people are happy …there is a lightness in the air which makes you immediately welcome . So much for praises , before you think I have gone off balance ..lemme get back on my usual ‘stuff’

1.Dilli di crowd – oye hoye ! ok... The girls ( *sigh* ) ..only 2 sizes available . XS or XXL .. nothing in between . The XS ones looked bleached ( dunno if it’s the make-up or the original skin tone ) . The xxl ones…yaar ! ya toh kamar andar kar lo , ya skirt lambi kar lo ( either put the tummy in ..or wear longer skirts ) . The aunties …uff ! the  glittering make-up ( dood …in Delhi , it’s omnipresent ) …the vadde-vadde purses , the dyed hair , the head-to-toe matching salwar suits . Oh ! that was our “desi” aunties..the “angreji” ones … aunty !!! you know you get clothes in your size , right ? no need to borrow your daughter’s ;-)

2.Dilli da khana – [ CAUTION : do not read this if you are in some north-indian food deprived place ] . wait …lemme clean my keyboard . My saliva dripped down again . Paranthe…bhature…chaat…sohan halwa …kulche…God ! I menna say you must have eaten this food everywhere …but they do SOMETHING to the food here . And there is no need to tell you dat my jeans just got an inch tighter ..

3.Dilli di language – Dood …I just love the hinjabi ( hindi+Punjabi ) that they speak here . It’s so hearty ..so lovable ( ummm…once you take your respected mothers and sisters out of it ) . it makes you connect instantly . Although not like our Lucknow’s tahzeeb waali hindi ( yeah  right …shoot me ! I am biased ) . Par ji …koi gal nahi …tvadi language bhi best hai ji :-P

4.Dilli di metro – Three cheers to Sheila Dikshit ! now I know why has she been choosen thrice ! dude …the metro rocks ..it looks sexy ..cheap ..and so totally convenient . And it’s been like ..how many ? 3-4 years and almost the entire Dilli is now connected with it .bravo ! now it looks like our country’s capital . Ummm..although if you think traffic jams would have lessened ..he he he …go out on the streets and you’ll think twice before taking your gaddi out again ;-)

So much for Delhi … I go back to my dear old Lucknow … I daresay I have not even touched the surface in this article …this was just an observation of a few days . Love ya dilli …..can’t wait to explore more in the future ;-)

DID YOU MISS ME ?

Namaste , adaab , welcome , vanakkam ….to the new blog !! Yep , I’ve been slumbering for some time . Blame it on exams ( second ) and the sweaty , hellish , lungi-folding summers of Chennai ( first ) .
Oh , but I haven’t been all down …The blog has undergone creative re-creation ( sorry , “renovation” is just too middle class ! ) . Would LOVE to hear your comments upon the new look ( good …or bad …or sarcastic ) . Oh , there have been a few changes …lemme inform you of them …
1. ummm….look towards your left …scroll down …yep ! now all you lazy weirdoes can check you horoscope right here . And it’s pretty accurate ( self-tested )
2. don’t look at the timing next to the blog heading …it’s screwed up .chamaar thing shows AM instead of PM and vice-versa . I know this is a pretty lame thing and a negative one ..but my OCD is making my fingers type it
3. oh ..and sadly the “cool..interesting..funny” waala bar disappeared ! Been working my ass off ..but apparently it dosen’t wana come back .
Ummm ….hee hee …I LOVED seeing you little clicks over there . it kind of boosts up my courage …not to mention bring a 10000$ smile on my face . so , what you can do is …click “like” on fb if you like the article …or just comment in one word as to what you thought of the article .
Remember , “those who are short on appreciation …become short on libido in old age “
- Akshay Baba !
And …finally …I AM ON ! get ready for more spice in your hot-sweaty-boring-roj roj ki life . PS :I missed you all too …. A lot :-D

HIBERNATION ...

bye bye my readers , for some time ( don't feel sad ...ok ! ) .Let me battle the Chennai summers and the exams together ....will get back as soon as both these monsters are dead . Chao !