Say hello to "Mental Masochsits"

So , for some time now I haven’t been in my “always happy” mood .

( DO not worry..brooms are flying….cauldrons are stirring and all is well again )

So ,I realized that I had ( accidentally ) fallen into the category of people I usually refer to as “mental  masochists “ .

Yes, welcome to 21^st century ..blame it on the inflation , or the stressful jobs or on your girl friend . We are ( collectively speaking ) an unhappy lot of people .

I mean to say  ,we see so many people unhappy around us that we tend to IDENTIFY with them .

Somehow seeing ourselves in the same position as them..brings a kind of sense of security.

Don’t you sometimes sit and think ,”WHY am I so happy today ?”

Or “How come nothing’s going wrong till now … ?”

Which brings us to the next stage of human evolution “The Mental Masochists”

( x-men ishtyle )

Now, these people REVEL in misery .

They LOVE the fact that they have problems ( 99% self created ) , love discussing them , moaning over them , regaling them to others and “sharing” their sorrows .

( And you thought Meena Kumari was the only  tragedy queen ? )

They’ll turn molehills into mammoths … put a telescope on their beady tear filled eyes and examine tiny lil’ incidents with such dedication …to try and find a reason to moan .

These are the kind of people noone sticks to for a long times ( in offices …schools …colleges …flights ..toilets ..whatever  ) .

The kind of people you’ll see walking around looking as if their granny didn’t leave them a dime in her will .

The kind that will torture , blackmail , inspect , scrutinize their boyfriends ( or ,in all fairness …their girlfriends ) until the poor chap turns around and lashes out at them …and then ??

(Try remembering the story when Gangaji descended on Earth *sigh* )

Oh , did I forget mentioning imaginary medical complaints , blaming others for not understanding them and taking inspirations from sad Bollywood movies ?

My mistake  ( Is Ekta Kapoor looking for new talent ,by any chance ? )

And if you happen to be in their friend circle ( the kind they’ll come to  and moan about the ‘bedard duniya’ ) , make sure you book an appointment with a psychiatrist and an ent doctor !

Ask them what are you actually DOING to solve your “problem” …. And you are in for suicide ( or at least …the loss of a few precious hair )

SO , the next time something teeny tiny troubles you , make sure you don’t fall into the trap .

Remember Akshay Baba’s words ,

“No problem is big enough once you decide to be HAPPY “ :-D

That night in Switzerland...

It was 10pm ( 1.30am IST )
A long plane journey ...bus journey ..all the fun ...the HILARIOUS incidents ...the spell binding beauty ... the strangeness and yet ,the warmth of this unknown place had taken a toll on me .
So far from the my first love ( India ) and yet ... it was so comfortable ..as if this Europe knows no distinction .Everyone was free to walk , look , enjoy , breathe the fresh air and revel in the majestic charm of this age old place !

It was a small town . I don't know the name ...but it's at the base of Mount Titlis . Lots of tourists , the hotels all around , surrounded by icy peaks and pleasant cold breeze . A TOY TOWN !

As I was strolling around all alone , it was drizzling . My hood on my head...nose tip cold . Thinking of the plethora of things I had come across . The UBER cool people , the culture .
And I felt alone ....

Only my steps were echoing in the dark street (lit by tiny lamps ) . No whispers...no touch .
It was then that I saw a 'mannequin'

In a clothes shop ... some parrot green skirt ...and lit by a single bright lamp over it !

In a second ,it all flashed before me . How we are all like that mannequin . Lit by a light , for how long..I dunno .Hoping to catch someone's eye . HOping to be admired .
Changing our exteriors according to the fashion all around .....
All of us go through the 'nights' ...left alone . All by ourselves .
The day comes again..and the same cycle repeats itself .

One day we'll be taken off the stand and placed in the basement somewhere .
Wearing nothing ... but till then
We are all mannequins .

Baba Ramdev beats Rakhi Sawant !

I stand up and applaud !

When I saw “rakhi ka swayamvar” I thought I had seen the pinnacle of melodrama .

But no , Babaji had more in store … much more ,infact .

So babaji , what happened to yoga classes ?

Wait..lemme think , the last time I remember you were doing something with Shilpa Shetty , right ?

 ( Or was it Baba Nithyananda ? potato…pateto..same thing )

Someone’s been out of limelight , huh ?

What better chance to light up your disc..oops…yoga floor than to grab on to the hottest issue on the market .Anti corruption dharna !

Babaji … if you really are a ‘sadhu’ shouldn’t you have given up all this ‘moh maya’ already ?

No…ok ! So , ummmm….what about your 1100 crore empire ? does that come under “bhagva” ( saffron ) money ?

What I don’t get is …for a man who preaches yoga , public welfare ( *COUGH* ) and some other bullshit in the name of spirituality ….

How come you know so much about black money and income tax and laws ( and what is the world was that ‘teaching in regional languages’ all about ? )

And taking I-dunno-how-many followers on a fast with you ?

If you really have the power to influence them , why don’t you tell them not to support corruption in the first place  ???

Why ? why do you need to make such a scene out of it ?

Many will say “Whatever it is .. he’s doing it for a good cause ! “

Yes , and in that process …he has done this too ….

TAKEN AWAY THE MEDIA ATTENTION FROM ANNA HAZARE !

And instead heating up the ‘breaking news’ with his cheap antics …

As it is , the media and the public are as fickle as it comes .

Tomorrow if Vijay Mallya sits on a dharna ,they’ll follow him too !

But bravo babaji …

Tired of churning your stomach and your saffron money …. I daresay the time is right to go invent “politica-asan” !

( thanks to ms.Sanya , the P friend )

HAMARI MUNNI JI ...

So , I was talking  with my Munni Ji .

And ,before you get any ideas .She’s above 60 , bent , nearly toothless and partially deaf .

( Shattered the image too soon ? :-D )

SO , she’s been working in my house for quite some time now  .Infact 8 or 9 years .

Everyday ,coming in …slightly crooked . Always smiling , wizened , looking a lil’ lost , sometimes muttering something .

She’ll pick up the broom and ‘pochha’ and start off . Talking generally , asking me about how many years are left , complaining of her family and pausing to watch tv or peep into my lappy .

She’ll get scolded . Sometimes shouted at ( you have to raise your voice to make her listen anyways ) . Next day ,she’ll be back …

As happy and apologetic as ever .

Ask her about how she’s feeling and she’ll start off ,

“Humko chutti nahi milti bhaiya” ( I don’t get leave )

“I have to work for 10 hours straight”

“My husband/daughter/son/grandson did this and that”

Which brings us to the family .

She has 8-9 kids . Some married , one daughter burnt for dowry or something . Somebody in the family is always sick .

None of them are literate . Her husband was addicted to booze . And domestic violence ensued . One girl ran away with a guy or something…

And yet , She’s survived it all .

Somehow managing to hold all of them ( and their extended families ) under one roof and running around tirelessly most of the time .

And for those of you , who get tired after a day at college , here’s the frail woman’s schedule …

Gets up at 7 . Washes dishes for the entire household .

Walks 8-10 km. from her house  

Visits 2-3 houses . Cleans utensils , floor and everything there .

Again , goes back 8-10 km. again  .Cooks food at her place. Rushes back to those 2-3 houses again in the evening .

And then goes back at night .

 To cook more food and put the kids to sleep.

This , 365 days of the year . As she said “no chutti”

 Coming in everyday ..smiling ..listening to scoldings and doing back breaking work .

So , next time , you think you life’s tough . Think twice …

There is an abundance of such inspiration all around .

*sorry , couldn’t get her photo . She‘s camera conscious :-) *

*sigh* V.A.M.P.I.R.E.S .....

Yes , I give up !

I have been forced to write this article and clear my stand on the issue .

Lately , everyone loves them . From teeny weeny teenage blossoms to my hunky bros and my gay pals !

From ‘twilight’ to ‘eclipse’ and all other solar phenomena combined , Stephnie Meyer has done it .

Thrown pink coloured confetti inside the coffins of the most revered ancient mythical (?) evil creatures .

If any of them are still there . They probably prefer to hide inside their coffins .

( Better than Barbie/Gucci/rose clutching gals prancing behind them with their pinkie pinkie slam books for them to sign ! )

What with all these puberty hit muscled up chikne chokre growing long canines and Turning the “dark gift” into koochi kocchi valentine kisses ..

WHO CAN BLAME THE POOR VAMPIRES ??

                                           

I read “Dracula” in class 12th .

Ah ! The sheer terror of The Count crawling over walls . sinking his teeth beautifully into those lovely ladies . The old world charm  ,the courtesy and and and

The sheer cold blooded evil that radiated from him !

The feeling of dread ( or reverence ) that washes over you when you behold someone so ancient and indestructible .

So loath , yet so desirable . Power as raw as it comes …..

I then picked up “Interview with the vampire – Anne Rice “

( There’s an excellent movie …with Tom Cruise ,Antonio and Brad in it . Thanks to Siva for suggesting it )

What a vampire … dear Lestat .

Free of guilt , remorse . Hungry , revengeful , proud and aggressive .

Opposite to the Count in so many ways . Yet , the kind of thing that’ll make you weak in the knee .

AND AND AND then …..

“TWILIGHT”

There is a long list of extremely inappropriate words I’d love to dedicate to the writer . But this is ( still ) a ‘non adult’ blog .

She ruined it . Vampires suddenly became hunks . Teenagers all ripping with ‘bottled up jawani’  and filled with long lost love ( n other desires ? )

Evil gaya chulhe mein . ( Evil went to hell )

The danced and smooched and carried their girlfriends in their arms across places . They attended SCHOOL in DAYTIME !

To hell with all that , they have sexual intercourse too !!!!

Another one in the series is “vampire diaries” . I plead ignorance !

MY PROBLEM ….

Is that , that they are ruining it . They are transforming vampire , one of the most feared evil powerful creatures into KEN ( barbie’s sidekick ) .

Why … why did they do it ?

With no knowledge of folklore , they are messing up with age old stories …age old legends .

Wass a better term ? “REMIXING THE LEGENDS”

RIP Vampires . Maybe they’ll release your dolls after a few years now !

( In tiny pink shiney shiney coffin packages ! )

Go on a "SELF DATE" :-D

So , when was the last time you looked around and thought , “Either shoot them my Lord , or let lightning strike me ! “

Or sat with an increasing headache … and desperately wanted to bang your head on the guy/gal in front of you

Or kept the phone 2 meters away from you and wish ..wish that Osama could’ve invented some technique to operate a “phone bomb”

Not to worry , my dear weirdos …

I introduce to you , the latest (self) invented technique of “SELF DATING “ .

Now , usually people say ,”I want to spend time with myself” .

What does that make you think ?

Lying on the bed …counting the spiders .

Sleeping like a log …

Coming out/sliding into something depressing …

Listening to sad songs ,with ‘daaru’ in hand …

But “Self date” is an exact opposite . All it requires is one evening of your time .

Here’s what you need to do …

1.Make sure you have reached the end limit of your tolerance .

2.take an evening off … DO NOT tell anyone about this .

3.Switch off your cellphone .

4. Now , here comes the main part

                                                      *******drum roll*******

Choose the place you like the most --->

The beach … A beauty saloon … Theatre …movies …book store …shopping places…restaurant .. bars …gaming places … ANY PLACE which makes you feel serene and quiet !

Go there ..and enjoy … take your favourite book , or your ipod  .Or if you prefer peace and quiet , go free handed .

The most important part of ‘self date’ is to realize how awesome you are .

For once , don’t feel lonely or over crowded or rejected .

Just be relaxed and carefree , noone around knows you .Give up pretences … stop thinking about everyone who apparently ‘matter’ . Enjoy being YOURSELF .

Get a manicure/pedicure ( or that “w” thing if you are into it ) .. feel the light sand between your toes .. cry/laugh with the movie … relish the good food or wine .

Buy that piece of jewellery /dress you were always hesitant about … ( trust me , it’s like the best mood elevator )

Maybe smoke a ciggi or something  ( although neither we nor the Health Ministry recommends this :-D )

It’s all about RECONNECTING with yourself .

One such evening and you’ll come back with a smile on your face …empty brain and in love with yourself .

The house without electricity

“aaaaaaah …damn it ! “

Suraj literally jumped off the last step . And before he could even balance himself , the bus was off .

He adjusted his ray-ban and glared at it . Creaking ,over loaded , shaking bus …half the paint had been worn off with time and the load of baggages on the top and the people craning their necks out gave it an even more shabby appearance .

“Bloody last century vehicle ! “ , he exhaled loudly .

He looked all around . The tiny lane , mountains all around , some small tea shops with same duplicate quality products. And an annoying radio blaring “mera joota hai japani”.

A few goats munching happily and cows enjoying their afternoon slumber !

Well , Kausala hadn’t changed much …if only there hadn’t been a taxi strike , he would’ve never taken the tractor-cum-bus all the way here …

He started walking uphill . Suraj came from Delhi . Passed out from one of the most prestigious colleges in the country … he had worked in NY for a year . But had to come back ‘coz apparently mumma couldn’t live with him so far away !

And on top of that …there was this matter of mumma’s ancestral house .

His grandpa had expired last year …leaving the family mansion all abandoned . Now since he had a matter to be dealt with in Shimla . He had been asked to go take a look at that mansion , since it apparently belonged to him now .

“Screwy old house . If only somebody could get me back to my apartment in Linden Hill ! Let me go sell off this useless place to the first loony client I come across “

His ipad and bb were already short of battery …and he had no hopes of getting internet signals here . That meant one whole day of work going into backlog for tomorrow !

“FINALLY ! Thee damned place is here ! “

It looked almost as he remembered it from his childhood …a small garden in front . That big lichi tree . Thatched roof … old heavy oak doors and those ancient windows that could be thrown open to let in chilly air and birds .

“Suraj baba …. Give me your luggage “

Ramdhin was as old as the house perhaps .But still as cheerful , energetic and devoted as he could remember .

He went inside . Dragged back into 19^th century … sparse furniture , old wide blade fans and bulbs covered with glass hangings .

But he of’course made a run for the plugs and inserted the charging devices .

“baba …No light coming . Landslide happened . So no power till tomorrow”

He sighed deeply . how much worse could it get ???

                                                 *******

He sat with his cup of tea , out In the open . He had slept soundly for 4 hours straight . Thanks to the cold air , lack of power was not a big problem .

He began thinking of the project at hand . But it was impossible !! What with the warm tea , and the sound of birds returning home , and the mountains fading in the distance .

He felt very very unnerved and relaxed at the same time .

He gave one last look of desperation to his bb . But it had accepted defeat hours back .

‘Fine ! screw it … we’ll see it tomorrow”

As he strolled outside , he suddenly recalled something very vivid about the lichi tree .The way his grandpa would look after it . Even touching it used to be a sin !

The corridor was where Lucy slept . Big scary  devil that she was , she would turn into a furball when they used to play with her .

And so many stories under the blanket at night . And munching on that choclate “baal mithai” whenver they got a chance .

“ Wo ! that was nostalgic “ , Suraj sat down …on the front steps .

He looked around . Pitch dark . not a soul for miles .and the wind going “zooo zoooo” in his ears .

“maybe I shouldn’t sell the place man ! Would be nice to come here once I am done “

He sighed ..went in ….ate a big of roti , daal and chicken curry that Ramdhhin had prepared and went in to snuggle in the bed .

Ramya was leaving Delhi …God knows how were they going to manage their relationship . And maa was very adamant about not leaving anywhere . The office ! Ah …he hated the politics within , and being nasty to the employees ( as if there was a choice ) .

Sometimes , his only solace was work . He sighed deeply at the ipad . And as he turned around and hugged the pillow … the pillow seemed a little wet .

                                           *****

Seated in the flight back to Delhi , internet connection and calls back in full force , he sighed

“We’ll let the house be there …electricity or not “